I’ve been journaling for several years. In a matter of fact, I have over 25 years of journals just waiting to be sorted through.
Before I begin a notebook, I put what am I grateful for right on the front page. Over the years, things have changed. I see now that I’m older, things seemed so silly to me now. So unimportant. It is nice to go back and see this for yourself. it is very healing. Be creative! Use different color pens, sketch in there, use different types of paper. I use regular notebook paper with tear out perforation so I can tear it out and put it in a looseleaf notebook after.
You get to see how you managed to land on your feet, after a traumatic time. Oh, I had a lot of those! When you look back. You get to see how you had a part in it. How you can do things differently. Once your children grow older, you get to see that you put your own parents through hell, or maybe, you were not so bad after all! Each incident and journey is different. I never strived for perfection. Nothing is. But I always put my best foot forward. You are only fooling yourself if you think that you can be perfect.
Privacy can be an issue. If you are writing your journal in a document. Make it password protected.
Many times I find I open up a blank page. That is when I go to my page where I write where I am grateful. Other times I take a saying and let my feelings revolve around the topic. Sometimes. I really do amaze myself. I encourage you to pick up a pen and paper, or go to your computer and start writing out your journey. If you have not already started. I would love to hear from anyone on ideas about journaling.
You get to a point in you life when you can not escape the experiences of grief. The experiences are different, pending on the relation to you. Whether it is our parents, spouse, or children the pain of grief is immobolizing. I’ve experienced all three, even though the spouse was an ex. Still felt bad, because he gave me two beautiful boys. So I can honestly say I can speak to this subject.
The biggest question is how long should you grieve? The answer is: It is my journey, and when it takes as long as it takes. There are the 5 stages, by Kubler-Ross. I included them in a previous post. You will move on and there are several ways to help you. That is what motivated me to create this blog. You will heal. But there is, and always will be a hole in your heart where your relation(s) was.
Even if you expect a loss, you never are ready for it. The idea sends you into shell shock, your numb and you walk around like you are in a constant fog. This doesn’t have to happen. But it does, more often than not. As time goes by, the fog starts to lift. This is the time you need to start taking your own initiative to do things. Be creative, write in journal, read…so many options.
There will be moments when something sets you off, but You get back on track, but it is only 2 steps back not 10. Acknowledge what you have done, be proud and know you will make it through.
This isn’t the easiest topic. But I feel that by helping you understand my journey, it might also help you understand you are not alone, not just you. Most important you will be ok.
Please comment or you are welcome to leave a message to contact you if you need someone to talk to.
“If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.” —Anonymous
It has been a rainy day, and I found there was not much I felt like doing, so I reflected on my life and the challenges I had to face. I look at my resume and see my accomplishments and was amazed at what I really did do. I look at pictures and think of the relationships. Saw how I grew as time passed. Saw how the kids grow and their amazing tributes they offered this planet. Proud Momma.
Take this time to reflect and write out your accomplishments. Then on a rainy day. Take them out and read them. Smile to yourself, and say. I’m Strong. I can accomplish anything I want to do. Because look what I have already done! Be proud of you! Even on rainy days!
As you come out of the fog from grief., your vision starts to become clearer? Back in 2008 when my first son found out about his brain cancer, I was going for my masters in Strategic Leadership and Personal Development. I was on my last semester, but couldn’t concentrate enough to finish.
That was 10 years and 2 children gone from my life. There is a piece of me that would love to finish. But I do not have the concentration level to deal with exams. But what I am doing in my mind as I do this blog, is finishing my degree. But helping others who have gone through what I have unfortunately had to endure.
Everything is not coming to me overnight. But I’m taking that good old slogan ” One Day at a Time”, and rediscovering myself. All will work out!
I have started doing some embroidering. It has calmed me. Stopped my worrying about things I can’t do anything about at the moment. Stops me from eating crap I don’t need. Going to try making this a habit!
When you are coming out of a fog from being frozen in place, whether from grief, depression, stress…move gently! Many cases your mind begins to spin, great ideas and things that you want to accomplish start popping up. Sometimes they cycle and recycle until you say, ah screw that, I’ll just sit here and watch TV.
I have a whiteboard near where I sit and watch TV. Every night I cross off what I did. I add what I did do and was not written, so I can cross it off for the purpose of accomplishment. Then I start a new list for the next day. Seeing this in front of me helps a lot. I actually put fill my vitamin box. If I don’t do it, I will forget for weeks to take them. I will put silly things. Whatever muscle I need to move.
Today I designed a Picture that I was going to trace on the cloth. This is so I can embroider. I promised my sister this right before my son died. I have not picked it up. I pulled all my supplies together and going to put it right by where I sit. I’m ready to start. Might be ready for her birthday next week! I have a backup plan. But my good intentions are to complete it. It is not a complex pattern.
That simple whiteboard did the trick! Just a pad and paper would do. But this thing is big and right in my face! I encourage you to start with one for yourself. Don’t let the simplest of things stop you! It is just fear. You can thank it for sharing and go and do it anyway. Happy Creativity!
It is for 6 months since Allen has passed. I have gone through the gambit of emotions. But last few nights have been rough with the debates. My son would have been on the campaign trails by now and we would have been on the phone through the whole thing and explaining the whole thing, not that I couldn’t, but he had the pulse higher up before he chose who to work for. He was in demand. I missed him so much. He was such an animated person, everyone loved him. But he wanted to be with his brother, Brett in heaven. I know they are in a good place and fulfilling their purpose in Gods hands. I’ve had signs, I’ve talked to them and even though I miss and love them both. I know I’ll be ok. I got 2 angels watching over me!
Coming back to this blog helps me so much. Each day, I work on something new to keep me going. It doesn’t matter whether it is 6 months or 6 years. I miss them both the same.
Well, I must have missed a month in my frozen state because it is 7 months.