Over the recent years, I have found that grief has many faces. People who lost a child is not the same as someone who lost a parent or spouse. Now, this does not mean that it is any less significant. It is different. I spent many hours reading and in groups, trying to make sense of it, if you can at all.
Then I realized that people who have lost children have different types of experiences as well. I have not lost a child at birth, through an accident, or very super young. My heart goes out to them. But when you have a child that is in his 20’s, 30’s or more. You got to know them. You raised them. You got to watch them grow, all their firsts, all the times you kissed their wounds, held them and comforted them, watch them in their accomplishments and made you proud. It is just different!
But understand when you tell me how all your children are around you. When you know your kids are going to be there at the holidays, the phone calls have stopped. All the commercials are on TV and you realize, oh yes I don’t have to get anything. You can’t be afraid to talk to someone, but be sensitive if they are having a hard day. Don’t take it personally. You find you are all alone a lot…no matter who is around you.
If that is not hard enough. Then you lose both your children. I don’t want you to understand. But sometimes I don’t want to suck it up either. Move on? Really? I hope you never get to know what it is like to lose lose a child or two. Grief is a process. it is not a mental illness. You have to walk through it. In your time not everyone elses. Not all days are bad. When you go with the flow and acknowelege that..the feelings are just part of loss. Allow yourself to be with your broken heart. You will always be ok! I promise you. As time moves on, I have more good days than not. There are only 24 hours in a day and tomorrow will be better!
I have most of our things prepared for the storm. This morning I woke to find that bit isn’t hitting the west coast of Florida. All models point going north. However, it is still a crapshoot.
I can’t take a moment of relief, a deep breath, because my grandchildren and many of my friends are living on another side of the state. Even if I didn’t know anyone that lives there. I know what it is like and know that…Now is the time to take to pray for anyone in its path. Please join me ❤
The 5 phases of grief do not come to you in any specific order. Just because you went through the phase it doesn’t mean that you will not be hit with it again. There is a different aspect of the anger that you haven’t addressed.
There are different types of losses. You may be going through the loss of a special person, but however, there are losses that occur that you don’t realize that require processing just as much a loss of a loved one. There is a loss of a home, Job, finance, friend who moved away or a relationship that didn’t work. A divorce. The key does not disregard these losses as something you don’t have to process. Loss is a loss.
Once you have acknowledged what it is that you are going through. You can take a deep breath, don’t beat yourself up about it and carry on.
You get to a point in you life when you can not escape the experiences of grief. The experiences are different, pending on the relation to you. Whether it is our parents, spouse, or children the pain of grief is immobolizing. I’ve experienced all three, even though the spouse was an ex. Still felt bad, because he gave me two beautiful boys. So I can honestly say I can speak to this subject.
The biggest question is how long should you grieve? The answer is: It is my journey, and when it takes as long as it takes. There are the 5 stages, by Kubler-Ross. I included them in a previous post. You will move on and there are several ways to help you. That is what motivated me to create this blog. You will heal. But there is, and always will be a hole in your heart where your relation(s) was.
Even if you expect a loss, you never are ready for it. The idea sends you into shell shock, your numb and you walk around like you are in a constant fog. This doesn’t have to happen. But it does, more often than not. As time goes by, the fog starts to lift. This is the time you need to start taking your own initiative to do things. Be creative, write in journal, read…so many options.
There will be moments when something sets you off, but You get back on track, but it is only 2 steps back not 10. Acknowledge what you have done, be proud and know you will make it through.
This isn’t the easiest topic. But I feel that by helping you understand my journey, it might also help you understand you are not alone, not just you. Most important you will be ok.
Please comment or you are welcome to leave a message to contact you if you need someone to talk to.
“If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.” —Anonymous
It has been a rainy day, and I found there was not much I felt like doing, so I reflected on my life and the challenges I had to face. I look at my resume and see my accomplishments and was amazed at what I really did do. I look at pictures and think of the relationships. Saw how I grew as time passed. Saw how the kids grow and their amazing tributes they offered this planet. Proud Momma.
Take this time to reflect and write out your accomplishments. Then on a rainy day. Take them out and read them. Smile to yourself, and say. I’m Strong. I can accomplish anything I want to do. Because look what I have already done! Be proud of you! Even on rainy days!
It is for 6 months since Allen has passed. I have gone through the gambit of emotions. But last few nights have been rough with the debates. My son would have been on the campaign trails by now and we would have been on the phone through the whole thing and explaining the whole thing, not that I couldn’t, but he had the pulse higher up before he chose who to work for. He was in demand. I missed him so much. He was such an animated person, everyone loved him. But he wanted to be with his brother, Brett in heaven. I know they are in a good place and fulfilling their purpose in Gods hands. I’ve had signs, I’ve talked to them and even though I miss and love them both. I know I’ll be ok. I got 2 angels watching over me!
Coming back to this blog helps me so much. Each day, I work on something new to keep me going. It doesn’t matter whether it is 6 months or 6 years. I miss them both the same.
Well, I must have missed a month in my frozen state because it is 7 months.