Posted in Grieving Naturally, Uncategorized

Crying doesn’t make you weak

I had a rough week this week. Yes, I miss you too! I’ve been so sensitive about the silliest of things. I caught myself crying. I’ve tried so much to stay strong. Then the flood gates opened and they didn’t stop.  I feel that sometimes it is so hard to stay strong you have to give yourself a break. Regroup and start all over again. Each time it gets less and less time between strong times.

All week I stayed on the couch. Did not do much. Numb. I just don’t like that. It is not right. Then I start with the wrong foods. This morning I said Stop!

Then I said to myself that it is ok to have a good cry. You lost 2 children. You gave birth to them, you raised them, fed them, clothed them, and everything else that goes along with raising children. All of a sudden they are pulled out from under you.  You watched them suffer. Your heart is still connected to them. Poof…they are gone. What an empty feeling. They were adults they had their own lives. They were out on their own. But I really miss them! That is ok!

Today I’m typing this from my computer, opposed to the tablet. I am in my office and ready to start designing some jewelry.   Hope you have a great day!

Jumping back in the game quicker.

I had a rough weekend. My partner passed a kidney stones, ouch! He required attention.  I didn’t mind. But I realized I forgot me.

I didn’t post my food, nor eat healthy meals. I will always be there for other people, I’ll keep doing it. The poor guy was in pain, I was very concerned. But I forgot to take care of me.

I’d love to find out a way to jump out of the moment to take care of me, consistently.  Mainly, because there will always be something happening. I get through the stress, then i want to eat anything not tied down.

The key is not settling on forgetting ourselves, no matter what is thrown in our path!  It is about settling on being the best we can! You keep striving, you get it!

 

Posted in Grieving Naturally, Uncategorized

Not sure what to say!

I had an appointment today and was asked how many children do I have.  At first, I said, not sure how to answer this. She gave me a strange look. I choked up, a little bit of tears. Then sat up straight and said …, Yes, I have two in heaven!

To hear those words come out of my mouth made it really real! At that moment, there was a shift in energy. I had a choice, do I fall apart, or do I pull up my big girl panties and stand strong. All my life I fought to stay strong in the face of adversary. Today, was one more day I chose strong once again.

 

Posted in Grieving Naturally, Uncategorized, Wisdom

Lakota/Sioux Tradition on grief and loss

“In the Lakota/Sioux tradition, a person who is grieving is considered most waken, most holy. There’s a sense that when someone is struck by the sudden lightning of loss, he or she stands on the threshold of the spirit world. The prayers of those who grieve are considered especially strong, and it is proper to ask them for their help. You might recall what it’s like to be with someone who has grieved deeply. The person has no layer of protection, nothing left to defend. The mystery is looking out through that person’s eyes. For the time being, he or she has accepted the reality of loss and has stopped clinging to the past or grasping at the future. In the groundless openness of sorrow, there is a wholeness of presence and a deep natural wisdom.”

Posted in Grieving Naturally, healthy eating, Uncategorized

How much loss can you take?

I’m only 2 months in from my loss from my younger son Allen. I do ok. I have my moments but I’m functioning. I am doing well with my sugar numbers, even though I had a perfectly good reason to go haywire. 

But then came another blow. My dear friend of over 20 years, took ill in hospital and I lost her yesterday. She does not live near me. I was blessed to be able to say goodbye to her. Her daughter put the phone up to her ear.  Even though we did not live near. We were on the phone daily chatting. To me, that was a visit. We helped each other through the toughest of time. Yes, she was there for me when both my sons passed.  We were there for each other at times for celebration too. 

My heart is so heavy right now.  I feel that grief is trauma.  When you have to deal with so much of it…it takes a toll on you.  This is the second friend within a year that has passed from kidney failure.  What this is showing me, is that I need to stay diligent with my food plan and avoid the sugars. Take care of myself. This goes back to why I even started this blog. I want to live. 

Posted in Grieving Naturally, Uncategorized

Just Breathe!

I took a few deep breaths. Put on some nice, calming music and picked up this tablet. Within a few minutes, I have a calming heart, a smile on my face and ready to go forward. This works! When the sorrow shows up and it will. Keep rebooting yourself. Because I know both you and myself are important. Right now, I have to take care of me. I have work yet to do! I will have a better day! How about you?

This is just a tough day. Since I lost one child already, I thought I’d be ok by now after losing the second. I’m determined not to cave in. I recognize ill have some rough days. But this is a little worst. Maybe because now both my children are in heaven. Empty feeling. Trying to avoid meds.