December 17, 1986 to December 5, 2012
There have been 7 years since you have passed. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about you. I miss you so much. I know you are watching over us. You had a heart of gold. You were a great dad! Always a good kid and joking and very loving! You now have your brother in heaven to keep you company and causing mischief! You are gone but never forgotten my dear son.
Over the recent years, I have found that grief has many faces. People who lost a child is not the same as someone who lost a parent or spouse. Now, this does not mean that it is any less significant. It is different. I spent many hours reading and in groups, trying to make sense of it, if you can at all.
Then I realized that people who have lost children have different types of experiences as well. I have not lost a child at birth, through an accident, or very super young. My heart goes out to them. But when you have a child that is in his 20’s, 30’s or more. You got to know them. You raised them. You got to watch them grow, all their firsts, all the times you kissed their wounds, held them and comforted them, watch them in their accomplishments and made you proud. It is just different!
But understand when you tell me how all your children are around you. When you know your kids are going to be there at the holidays, the phone calls have stopped. All the commercials are on TV and you realize, oh yes I don’t have to get anything. You can’t be afraid to talk to someone, but be sensitive if they are having a hard day. Don’t take it personally. You find you are all alone a lot…no matter who is around you.
If that is not hard enough. Then you lose both your children. I don’t want you to understand. But sometimes I don’t want to suck it up either. Move on? Really? I hope you never get to know what it is like to lose lose a child or two. Grief is a process. it is not a mental illness. You have to walk through it. In your time not everyone elses. Not all days are bad. When you go with the flow and acknowelege that..the feelings are just part of loss. Allow yourself to be with your broken heart. You will always be ok! I promise you. As time moves on, I have more good days than not. There are only 24 hours in a day and tomorrow will be better!