Back in about 2008, I started my Masters program in Strategic Leadership and Personal Development. I completed 3/4 of the program minus the internship. At this time my eldest son found he had brain cancer. Just couldn’t put two words together at the time. Years since, i wanted to finish my program. The school since closed and life just took me away to this past year where I lost my second son to sepsis.
I feel that the life experience that I had gone through these years certainly can be justified as an internship. I don’t think there is a more difficult road to follow. The loss of 2 children. My story, my strength, my work, my studying says it all. So this degree might have taken a round about direction. But I landed where I needed to be. Many parents are losing children more and more unfortunately. But my story is my story. It is something only to be experienced. These writings are the beginnings of my book. No one can tell me that I am wrong or right…once you lose someone, especially children. I am at a level in spirituality that I am ready to face whatever God is about to hand me. Because I have already survived the most unimaginable task of giving my children up to spirit. I got a message from spirit in meditation not to long ago. I was told that my children are in good hands and now it is my turn to heal and work my purpose.
Just when I think I have been through the worst, my life partner ended up emergency with Congested Heart Failure and Hypertension. He was in there for a week and now I’m here and have to face this. I felt myself getting soooo mad. How dare he. I was just beginning to feel a bit better. Then in this morning meditation, I realized it was me I am mad at. I need to be able to fulfill my purpose no matter what is thrown at me. All will be well. That insight was not an easy one to face. I’ve already been though enough. This has got to stop. But I saw, inspite of everything that goes on around me, I have to heal myself first. All else will heal by itself. Just by being.
I got my marching orders. I’ve always been a healer, and my path is about helping others. I just never got the clarification before hand about what I was helping others with. Leadership is about leading yourself first then others. The determination to do so comes from my inner being. My Masters Degree is complete! So it is! Next…
One thing you will come to know about me. Is that I will respect your opinion. But my pet peeve. Is when my idea is not respected in return. This is when I get a tad irritated. It is ok to have my opinion.
When someone questioned me, sometimes I would fluster and change my opinion in my early years. I don’t need to. I believe in the idea that we can heal ourselves is an idea that I have stuck by for many years. It is what I believe for me.
I bring forth ideas that I have tried or would like to try for towards a better healhy me. I am not telling anyone to ditch their doctor. You can do many of the these methods in conjunction with having doctor. Like deep breathing. What I would like for you to understand. Many times you can try natural remedies before you rush to take medications. Grief is not a mental illness. It is a natural process we go through when we lose someone. Why would they prescribe a med for this?
I live in a 55+ state of Florida. If you go into the doctor, you will see people carrying in a Walmart bag full of medications they take. Many times there are more than 3 for each body party they are hurting. I just ask you to question this. Why need 3 -5 pills for one modalady? Really? All the effects of one lead to more ailments and more pills which lead to effects. Is this what you want?
Did you realize that if you want to take a vitamin that you are unsure of, you can check with your pharmacist. They will check it out and print out any conflicts. Usually vitamins don’t have many, but they can. So wise to check. Just to be sure.
Because I choose alternative ways of healing, doesn’t mean I don’t get sick. What I do, is listen to my body. I know when I’ve done too much of one thing, I pull my self back and get back on my program. I have to take responsibility for my own health, so how I do it is my choice and doesn’t mean It’s wrong. I find when I start to get myself off sugar, and any junk food. Start to eat well. I do feel wonderful. My arthritis lets up, I’m not in pain. Many other changes start to happen that feel great! The magic happens in this moment! What are you going to try that is new this week to take care of yourself?
Ive spent most of my career in the computer world. With over 40 years experience, I’ve learned that before you take on a project, you map out your plan.
Why not take this knowledge to everyday life. In our busy lives, we forge ahead to get through our daily tasks and then wonder why they don’t get done. I took a time management course. I learned that completion creates energy, incompletion, deminishes it. So we have a choice which direction to take on this map.
Programming is a lot of yes, no, if, then, and that thought process. You take situations of your life through this process. Write it down.
You get to see how much time you waste. You also make time for more activities. Some steps are just not necessary, so why go there or do them?
You also get to see how silly you were, to be anxious over a task, how easy it was to complete. Simply by eliminating unnecessary tasks on your journey.
I invite you to start mapping your life tasks, so you can make room to be truly alive!
Over the years I’ve saved several sayings that I have liked from various places and Facebook shares. They spike a thought and possibly creativity within me. I’ve been busy in my office trying to make sense of all the wonderful supplies I have! I am grateful for all that I have but now. I am working on organizing. I need to be in somewhat of order before I can create.
I went out and got myself some art supplies and jewelry supplies so I can enjoy both my creative talents. It is a good sign that I am feeling a pull to create. It has been a while and to my followers, I apologize. I’ve been frozen in place from grief. Couldn’t get off the couch.
I did finally get myself into the pool in our community and get my body moving… That felt so good and now want to get my mind working It goes in and out grief hits you at different times. I stay frozen (that is what I call it) less and less. This is good.
Tomorrow which is Memorial Day, I am celebrating my son’s 31 Birthday. First birthday since he went to heaven. I’m working on pulling myself together here so I don’t focus on sadness. I’m getting excited to dive into my jewelry beads and let them sing to me and see what I can come up with. I was on my design table last week and drew a blank. I know something is in there. I’m taking action and responsibility. I know I’ll have some sad days. Each time I get back to myself faster and faster.
Years ago, I majored in art and I loved it. I enjoy my jewelry designing. However, I find that that want to do art. I’ve had dreams of me doing artwork. I felt that I wasn’t able to bring it to fruition. Have no clue of what medium to work with or what. Need to draw!
I spent my weekend on Pinterest to see if there is anything that jumps off the page at me. what I loved was working with pen and ink. I see I love using color. That sings to me. I used to do calligraphy and love all the different ways to work with letters. Plus I love all the swirls! So I ordered my supplies and I’ve started practicing. A lot of the pictures I’ve posted on here were from color by number. I see that I will go in reverse. I feel that is a great tool for learning sometimes. I look at a finished product and then back through the process. I will practice the pictures. I’ll notice how they use the coloring. The shading and the hues. I will do this!
When I found that image of quill pen and ink. I felt that it had to do something with my writing too. We will see what shows up.
I had a rough week this week. Yes, I miss you too! I’ve been so sensitive about the silliest of things. I caught myself crying. I’ve tried so much to stay strong. Then the flood gates opened and they didn’t stop. I feel that sometimes it is so hard to stay strong you have to give yourself a break. Regroup and start all over again. Each time it gets less and less time between strong times.
All week I stayed on the couch. Did not do much. Numb. I just don’t like that. It is not right. Then I start with the wrong foods. This morning I said Stop!
Then I said to myself that it is ok to have a good cry. You lost 2 children. You gave birth to them, you raised them, fed them, clothed them, and everything else that goes along with raising children. All of a sudden they are pulled out from under you. You watched them suffer. Your heart is still connected to them. Poof…they are gone. What an empty feeling. They were adults they had their own lives. They were out on their own. But I really miss them! That is ok!
Today I’m typing this from my computer, opposed to the tablet. I am in my office and ready to start designing some jewelry. Hope you have a great day!
I’m only 2 months in from my loss from my younger son Allen. I do ok. I have my moments but I’m functioning. I am doing well with my sugar numbers, even though I had a perfectly good reason to go haywire.
But then came another blow. My dear friend of over 20 years, took ill in hospital and I lost her yesterday. She does not live near me. I was blessed to be able to say goodbye to her. Her daughter put the phone up to her ear. Even though we did not live near. We were on the phone daily chatting. To me, that was a visit. We helped each other through the toughest of time. Yes, she was there for me when both my sons passed. We were there for each other at times for celebration too.
My heart is so heavy right now. I feel that grief is trauma. When you have to deal with so much of it…it takes a toll on you. This is the second friend within a year that has passed from kidney failure. What this is showing me, is that I need to stay diligent with my food plan and avoid the sugars. Take care of myself. This goes back to why I even started this blog. I want to live.
I have been functioning pretty decent when it comes to grieving. I have put my effort into learning about blogging and thinking about interesting things.
The death certificate came in for my son and the reality again set in of the fact that he is no longer here physically. No more laughter, and teasing and funny faces. I know he is in spirit. I have been doing auto writing and have held conversations with both my sons. I know they are in good hands with spirit. However, the finality of it hit me.
Before I got myself into a spiral downward I came to the desktop and started to write. This is so healing for me and I hope it helps others who are grieving. Because you have someone significant in your life pass on, doesn’t mean you have to die too. They want us to live. I’m choosing to do this. As I write this sometimes, I’m working on convincing myself. So far it is working!
I found when I wake up in the morning. I start off my day with positive thoughts I can keep my attention focused. I have to keep busy. Timing now is essential, because If I allow myself to get caught up in grief. I get nothing done. It is ok to reflect. But I’m choosing to move forward. I’m a good one for a good pity party.
I am reflecting on a time when things worked well in my life. I was religious (only thing I’m religious about) is keeping a planner. Because when you write it down and you check it off you create energy. When you don’t check it off you deplete energy.
That can start off a whole new task for me though. Which size planner do I want? Will it fit in my pocketbook? Should I put it on my phone, or write it down. I decided to get a week at a time calendar with all the planets on it. Because I want to learn astrology this year. Then I keep a piece of paper in there with my to-do list. This works, no fuss!!
I look at it every day to see what I have planned. It is a great way to start my day. I keep it in front of me (fits in the pocketbook) and it keeps me focused, refocused, focused again! How do you keep the attention focused?
You are no different than I. I may believe in one thing, you another. But there is only one source, creator. I choose to look at what unites us, not separates.
I have learned different types of thoughts and philosophies along the way in my journey. What I found is that the languaging is what separates us. So many instances we are saying the same things. But because I may not say it the same way that you do, doesn’t mean that I’m coming from an evil source, or am not from the light.
I am a healer. I am a Reiki Healer. I only work with the highest and best purpose. I have been trained in other forms of healing and techniques. All works in unison.
Right now I am working at getting myself back on the mends. Losing two children to illness is not an easy task to crawl out of. I am. I feel the calling to get back to healing. When I know I will let you know.
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