I spent many years staying in the house. I did not exactly not have a good excuse and I used them all. Mainly no access to a vehicle, because of my partner’s work. I had a horrible accident back in 2011 with a 18 wheeler. It has left me with a challenge to walk. Something happened…maybe a divine intervention. I don’t know. But it wasn’t good on his part but definately for me. He landed in the hospital. He’s doing a little better. But he can’t work. So guess who has to drive.
It was easy to stay in the house and have a pity party. But I went online and found things to do that I like. I went to a meditation group and joined a book club. I love it. I’m not done yet! I’m going to be able to start doing Reiki in at the meditation group. I know my son wanted to me to get out more and be independent. I really started to do that after he passed in January. But then got quite comfortable sitting in my spot in front of the TV. I need to stick with this. My soul has been crying out to meet new like minded people. To come alive again. I loved getting out.
I’ve very glad that D (my partner) is doing well by the day. But he can’t really go out and work yet. When or if he does. I made an agreement to use the car in the day and he can work at night. He likes waking up late and I’m a mornings. It is amazing how you are thrown road blocks and then when you take a minute you get to see how they were not at all meant to block you but to free you!
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.”
The 5 phases of grief do not come to you in any specific order. Just because you went through the phase it doesn’t mean that you will not be hit with it again. There is a different aspect of the anger that you haven’t addressed.
There are different types of losses. You may be going through the loss of a special person, but however, there are losses that occur that you don’t realize that require processing just as much a loss of a loved one. There is a loss of a home, Job, finance, friend who moved away or a relationship that didn’t work. A divorce. The key does not disregard these losses as something you don’t have to process. Loss is a loss.
Once you have acknowledged what it is that you are going through. You can take a deep breath, don’t beat yourself up about it and carry on.
“If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.” —Anonymous
Fear can freeze you in place! Today I drove my car for first time in 4 years. I looked up at the book case this morning and saw the book pop out at me. Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway. I didnt read book yet, but for today You don’t even need to read the book to figure out what one needs to do.
I chanted my little “Everything will be ok”, and it was. Everyone has their own fears, some many. I invite you to challenge yourself and share what you accomplished.
When you are coming out of a fog from being frozen in place, whether from grief, depression, stress…move gently! Many cases your mind begins to spin, great ideas and things that you want to accomplish start popping up. Sometimes they cycle and recycle until you say, ah screw that, I’ll just sit here and watch TV.
I have a whiteboard near where I sit and watch TV. Every night I cross off what I did. I add what I did do and was not written, so I can cross it off for the purpose of accomplishment. Then I start a new list for the next day. Seeing this in front of me helps a lot. I actually put fill my vitamin box. If I don’t do it, I will forget for weeks to take them. I will put silly things. Whatever muscle I need to move.
Today I designed a Picture that I was going to trace on the cloth. This is so I can embroider. I promised my sister this right before my son died. I have not picked it up. I pulled all my supplies together and going to put it right by where I sit. I’m ready to start. Might be ready for her birthday next week! I have a backup plan. But my good intentions are to complete it. It is not a complex pattern.
That simple whiteboard did the trick! Just a pad and paper would do. But this thing is big and right in my face! I encourage you to start with one for yourself. Don’t let the simplest of things stop you! It is just fear. You can thank it for sharing and go and do it anyway. Happy Creativity!
It is for 6 months since Allen has passed. I have gone through the gambit of emotions. But last few nights have been rough with the debates. My son would have been on the campaign trails by now and we would have been on the phone through the whole thing and explaining the whole thing, not that I couldn’t, but he had the pulse higher up before he chose who to work for. He was in demand. I missed him so much. He was such an animated person, everyone loved him. But he wanted to be with his brother, Brett in heaven. I know they are in a good place and fulfilling their purpose in Gods hands. I’ve had signs, I’ve talked to them and even though I miss and love them both. I know I’ll be ok. I got 2 angels watching over me!
Coming back to this blog helps me so much. Each day, I work on something new to keep me going. It doesn’t matter whether it is 6 months or 6 years. I miss them both the same.
Well, I must have missed a month in my frozen state because it is 7 months.