Posted in Creativity, Grieving Naturally, Self Determination, Uncategorized

Pulling it all together

Over the years I’ve saved several sayings that I have liked from various places and Facebook shares.  They spike a thought and possibly creativity within me. I’ve been busy in my office trying to make sense of all the wonderful supplies I have! I am grateful for all that I have but now. I am working on organizing.  I need to be in somewhat of order before I can create.

I went out and got myself some art supplies and jewelry supplies so I can enjoy both my creative talents.  It is a good sign that I am feeling a pull to create. It has been a while and to my followers, I apologize. I’ve been frozen in place from grief. Couldn’t get off the couch.

I did finally get myself into the pool in our community and get my body moving… That felt so good and now want to get my mind working  It goes in and out grief hits you at different times. I stay frozen (that is what I call it) less and less. This is good.

Tomorrow which is Memorial Day, I am celebrating my son’s 31 Birthday.  First birthday since he went to heaven.  I’m working on pulling myself together here so I don’t focus on sadness.  I’m getting excited to dive into my jewelry beads and let them sing to me and see what I can come up with.  I was on my design table last week and drew a blank.  I know something is in there.  I’m taking action and responsibility.  I know I’ll have some sad days. Each time I get back to myself faster and faster.

Hugs from me.

Posted in Self Determination, Uncategorized

One step in front of other

I have so many things on my list to do. My ADD kicked in and my brain went into a whirlwind. I finally found my way into the office and started working on paperwork. Getting organized and created some forms for my personal accounting. I had to remember to punch a 3 hole in the forms. You know they would get put back into the paper file and be rendered useless.  Well, this is a start!

And it is so!

Good timing! I sure need to release my energy blocks that is keeping me from  moving forward. Had a few rough days. I know it is grief. Today is a good day to start.

I invite you to indulge yourself in participating in your own full moon release.  Bring your crystals and oils, release the blocks.  Journal it out

All things work out in divine order …

and it is so!

Posted in Grieving Naturally, Uncategorized

Not sure what to say!

I had an appointment today and was asked how many children do I have.  At first, I said, not sure how to answer this. She gave me a strange look. I choked up, a little bit of tears. Then sat up straight and said …, Yes, I have two in heaven!

To hear those words come out of my mouth made it really real! At that moment, there was a shift in energy. I had a choice, do I fall apart, or do I pull up my big girl panties and stand strong. All my life I fought to stay strong in the face of adversary. Today, was one more day I chose strong once again.

 

Posted in Grieving Naturally, Uncategorized, Wisdom

Lakota/Sioux Tradition on grief and loss

“In the Lakota/Sioux tradition, a person who is grieving is considered most waken, most holy. There’s a sense that when someone is struck by the sudden lightning of loss, he or she stands on the threshold of the spirit world. The prayers of those who grieve are considered especially strong, and it is proper to ask them for their help. You might recall what it’s like to be with someone who has grieved deeply. The person has no layer of protection, nothing left to defend. The mystery is looking out through that person’s eyes. For the time being, he or she has accepted the reality of loss and has stopped clinging to the past or grasping at the future. In the groundless openness of sorrow, there is a wholeness of presence and a deep natural wisdom.”

Posted in Uncategorized

If it is going to be, it is up to me!

So many people doubted that I would ever have done half of what I have proven that I could do. When they got done with their judgment of me, I would continue on my own downward spiral of self-pity. Even though On the outside, I would be strong. Then I realized how many would still be in bed after the events that I have endured. There haven’t been too many types of trauma that have not found its way to challenge me. Always end up on my two feet.

The first day of the year I was faced with the news of my son’s passing. I made a decision at that moment that I was going to choose to live. I spent 6 years stuffing my grief and sorrows with food. I don’t drink or drug. I started taking care of myself but like so many other times I have put a roadblock up. Many times it is not me. It is people or circumstances.

Death of a child is not insignificant by any means. But the choice to self-sabotage is. All these issues become overwhelming and trying to be strong. I stuff my feelings. Every time, there is an excuse and I’m the one who pays dearly. Before my son got sick this year at end of November. I made a decision that I had to forgive myself for all that happened around my first son’s death. Somethings were just out of my control. His Angel date is on the 5th of December. I didn’t want to be sad anymore and wanted to celebrate his life. I wanted to enjoy the holidays this year.

No sooner did I make this statement when I heard my second son took ill. I forgot all the promises I made to myself and my sugar numbers went off the charts. My younger son did not want me to tell anyone about his illness. I felt I was all alone on this one. He didn’t answer phones. It wasn’t an easy time. It was stressful. This lasted a month of not taking care of me in spite of what was going on. I worked so hard on my food plan before this.

The day I had to fly up to see my son, I had plenty of time to talk to me. I decided that I was not going to spend a lot of years again grieving and sabotaging myself. I was going to live. When I got up to Connecticut, I walked more during that time and at the cemetery and walking up and down steps, it became the beginning of my exercise program. I actually felt better. I didn’t eat the hoards of food that was sent to the house.

This past month I had my moments that I was sad. I know that God/Spirit has my boys and they are in good hands, out of pain and full of love. They want me to be happy and healthy. They must have served their purpose. I was in my own way. I know I am not alone on this journey. This is why I’m writing this. I am living for me. When I have a difficult time doing it for me I will do it for the kids. Regardless, If I am going to heal it is up to me and nobody else.

I have actually felt a shift in how I feel and act. I am finding I am not as quick to go off my food plan. I’m exercising. Even if it is a little bit. My heart is light instead of heavy. I talk to the kids all the time. I know they are around and intuitively, I feel them around. I know it is my turn and I have a lot of work to do.

Besides all my books, I have 25 years of journals that I have written. I have started looking at all the messages that I have received when I have channeled. This is only the beginning for me. This is my first time having a blog. But this is helping me. I intend as time goes on I will be there for you too. Hugs from me!