Back in about 2008, I started my Masters program in Strategic Leadership and Personal Development. I completed 3/4 of the program minus the internship. At this time my eldest son found he had brain cancer. Just couldn’t put two words together at the time. Years since, i wanted to finish my program. The school since closed and life just took me away to this past year where I lost my second son to sepsis.
I feel that the life experience that I had gone through these years certainly can be justified as an internship. I don’t think there is a more difficult road to follow. The loss of 2 children. My story, my strength, my work, my studying says it all. So this degree might have taken a round about direction. But I landed where I needed to be. Many parents are losing children more and more unfortunately. But my story is my story. It is something only to be experienced. These writings are the beginnings of my book. No one can tell me that I am wrong or right…once you lose someone, especially children. I am at a level in spirituality that I am ready to face whatever God is about to hand me. Because I have already survived the most unimaginable task of giving my children up to spirit. I got a message from spirit in meditation not to long ago. I was told that my children are in good hands and now it is my turn to heal and work my purpose.
Just when I think I have been through the worst, my life partner ended up emergency with Congested Heart Failure and Hypertension. He was in there for a week and now I’m here and have to face this. I felt myself getting soooo mad. How dare he. I was just beginning to feel a bit better. Then in this morning meditation, I realized it was me I am mad at. I need to be able to fulfill my purpose no matter what is thrown at me. All will be well. That insight was not an easy one to face. I’ve already been though enough. This has got to stop. But I saw, inspite of everything that goes on around me, I have to heal myself first. All else will heal by itself. Just by being.
I got my marching orders. I’ve always been a healer, and my path is about helping others. I just never got the clarification before hand about what I was helping others with. Leadership is about leading yourself first then others. The determination to do so comes from my inner being. My Masters Degree is complete! So it is! Next…
It has been a rough week. My life partner has been admitted with both some heart and kidney failure. It has been very trying for me. Dealing with hospitals alone can send you in a whirlwind. It has been less than a year since my son died so all this stuff is fresh in my brain. I will trust he will be fine.
Since all this has happened, I had to get up and move around more, walk more, do more. Break through fears. It was rough the first couple of days. But now that it has been a week, it felt good to walk, it feels good to get up and to do things. I’m choosing to eat healthier. Key is why do I need a horrible event to get me moving. I am not alone on this, that I know.
Sometimes when we are faced with something like this. We have to look in the mirror and say. Hey what is it about me that I don’t like with this situation. I am in no position to call the kettle black, I can be mad at him if I am not caring for myself. Wake up time!!!!!
One thing you will come to know about me. Is that I will respect your opinion. But my pet peeve. Is when my idea is not respected in return. This is when I get a tad irritated. It is ok to have my opinion.
When someone questioned me, sometimes I would fluster and change my opinion in my early years. I don’t need to. I believe in the idea that we can heal ourselves is an idea that I have stuck by for many years. It is what I believe for me.
I bring forth ideas that I have tried or would like to try for towards a better healhy me. I am not telling anyone to ditch their doctor. You can do many of the these methods in conjunction with having doctor. Like deep breathing. What I would like for you to understand. Many times you can try natural remedies before you rush to take medications. Grief is not a mental illness. It is a natural process we go through when we lose someone. Why would they prescribe a med for this?
I live in a 55+ state of Florida. If you go into the doctor, you will see people carrying in a Walmart bag full of medications they take. Many times there are more than 3 for each body party they are hurting. I just ask you to question this. Why need 3 -5 pills for one modalady? Really? All the effects of one lead to more ailments and more pills which lead to effects. Is this what you want?
Did you realize that if you want to take a vitamin that you are unsure of, you can check with your pharmacist. They will check it out and print out any conflicts. Usually vitamins don’t have many, but they can. So wise to check. Just to be sure.
Because I choose alternative ways of healing, doesn’t mean I don’t get sick. What I do, is listen to my body. I know when I’ve done too much of one thing, I pull my self back and get back on my program. I have to take responsibility for my own health, so how I do it is my choice and doesn’t mean It’s wrong. I find when I start to get myself off sugar, and any junk food. Start to eat well. I do feel wonderful. My arthritis lets up, I’m not in pain. Many other changes start to happen that feel great! The magic happens in this moment! What are you going to try that is new this week to take care of yourself?
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have questioned myself. What is my calling?
I have been searching and researching since I was a little girl. There was something in me that felt that I did not fit into the box of the big 3 major religions. I am a rebel from right out of the gate. Being a rebel isn’t always a bad thing. Most of the trouble I’d get myself in, is with my mouth. Always inquisitive! Putting the pieces of the puzzle together and possibly take that path. I took risks and I got burned and more often I succeeded. I never gave up searching. The calling was always strong.
My research took me to the eastern philosophies. I learned about energy and became a Reiki Master\Teacher. I learned many other types of healing. I knew myself better, that i could not remember all those terms in main stream medicine. Nor Eastern for that fact! I felt that I was being called to heal. Researching western mysticism of Kabbalah led me to another path. There is a similarity between the healing that and the chakra system. The energy centers are just called something different. Both systems are complex as you get more advanced, yet fascinating!
When you start to compare various philosophies, you will find that there is a common thread and that is called Love. At this point no matter what direction that was chosen, I couldn’t go wrong as long as it came from a place of love. When I would meditate I would get some insightful messages. I’d get you are going to do this or that, but not how to do it. This left me frustrated and led me to the question…what next.
I’ve been journaling for several years and wrote these messages down. So I started a list of what I liked working on. I had 25 years of journals to choose from. Went to several seminars. Had such a zest to learn more. It was never enough to fill some void that I had to fulfill a calling. I never could quite put my finger on exactly.
Then in 2012 I lost my son older son to Brain Cancer. It left me numb for several years. Didn’t do any healing and especially not on myself. I ate through my grief. Just I felt I was coming out of the fog, My younger and only son was taken from me. I have nothing left to lose. My heart is broken. So I thought. I started doing what always made me feel good. I wrote. I joined groups of other parents who lost children. Having lost one son already and time has passed. I felt that I can be of service to others. I also wanted to help others with coping with grief with out the help of meds. Working with a do it yourself method when going through the worst moments. So combining the my energy healing background and my experience I took to writing this blog. Writing gives me a purpose and and reason to share and be of service to others.
The blog started this way but also has evolved to helping anyone who felt that wanted to heal look at healing themselves. Not just people grieving for children either. I’m not a doctor. I do have to say check with your doctor before trying any form of healing. But I think you don’t need permission to take deep breaths. I have tried several of the different methods that I have shared. Many times I haven’t.
Would love to hear from you on your experience. Many times when we go through difficult times. It appears we can not get out of our own way. Look through some old posts and try something different. One way doesn’t work for all. Sometimes I go back myself and look, because I need a reminder. I really appreciate all of you that have started following me and would love to hear from you! Do you know what your calling is?
This life… is your movie, You have choices to make for you and for no one else. Like the above meme states we have to accept the consequences for every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime. Taking responsibility is not always easy. But it is very healing. Because you get to see how much power you really do have within yourself. You can choose to have a roll on how it plays out for you.
Someone I know, gave me some bad news that they thought could happen if things don’t change and I don’t take action. So my thinking started to go on a whirlwind downhill. I’ve been upset and miserable because of this for several days. Then I realized that is my story not anyone elses. I awakened with the feeling that I can change this. So I kept repeating my favorite saying. Everything will be ok. I kept doing this and realized that the energy shifted. I was not miserable. We were joking and things started to look uplifting around me. I felt good things are coming my way.
When we get flustered, we tend to seek outside of ourselves to see what someone else may have to offer on the topic. But ultimately it is up to us. We take what we need and leave the rest. Ultimately the choice is ours and how we react or act. Sometimes we are dealt some really rough issues. Sometimes too many at once. However, this is the time to take to go within and meditate. Take a deep breath, and see what advice spirit has in store for you. You might be surprised. If you are headed down a path that starts to appear just not right…turn around and run.
Years ago I was told by an elder that I was a very strong person. During these times when I feel like I’m drowning, I tend to reach up to a sinking ship, wondering why they can’t save me. In many instances, I’ve been the one pulling them up by the boot straps anyway! This is the time that I need to pull up my big girl pants and walk to shore. Because I am actually in shallow water all that time. I can count on me like I always have and get on with life.
Note: Rely on yourself and your own creator every time you are confronted with a path that was not meant for you.
“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change“…Stephen Hawking
Who am I to question the great Stephen Hawking. I started within my mind to do just that. Then I started to look at all the changes that I have been required to adapt to. Then thought to myself, damn I’m good!
When I’m on my journey I tend to seek inquires to people to see if I’m on the right track. Doesn’t mean my ability is less. It means I’m on an information fact finding journey. Once I gather all the information I will make my decision. When I tend to find many challenges are flying at me at once, I do reach out to see what others might do if they were in a situation. Doesn’t mean I buy into all the input, It means that I want to look at all sides of the problem before moving forward. I do have the ability to adapt to change. If anyone can, it is someone who has lost. Many kinds of loss, it is not just people. During this year I also had a partner lose his job, which resulted in loss of income. If that is not adapting I don’t know what is.
There is no time for a pity party, I picked up and move on. He got a job and I just treated myself to a brand new 2020 Car! It is my birthday present to me. I have the ability to adapt to positive outcomes. So do you!
Back on the 6th of September, I had celebrated my life on this earth for 67 years. I never hid the number from anyone. As time has passed, I learned many lessons. I noticed that some really are not repeating anymore. I celebrated those. I have hit the existing ones head on.
As I grow older I matured. my mind didn’t feel old, but my body reminded me. My body took the brunt end of my emotions through those lessons. The lesson that took the hardest hit at me was the loss of my two children. Wondering why I’m here and the two boys left at such an early age. My friend told me that my eyes looked vacant yestersday. This bothered me. Because I saw it in the photo myself.
Why me? That wasn’t the question. The creator doesn’t want a pity party! I took that lesson to task and asked the creator on the Harvest Moon. A time when the vail between the worlds is thin. I trust the creator, but doesn’t mean I have to like the answer. I try to understand it. The answer was that I fulfilled my purpose as a parent into ascending their spirtual growth to their perspective levels in the upper dimensions. They did their part in my lessons into ascending to my level of spirituality on earth. As I mature I may not have done so if they were not in my life to test me. This was an agreement on the other side between us. They were my teachers there and on earth.
Trying to understand this thought I remembered reading a meme a few months ago about how when you lose a child, that you are at a very high spiritual level at this point in time and closest to the creator. The grief is so gut wrenching that you have nothing left to lose. This also means that the greatest and strongest power is within us to create. To have endless flows of energy. But i couldn’t see it at the time. As the fog and shell shock of grief starts to wear off, you start to create , write, draw, design, stitch fheal and many other wonderful things. I’m finding a sense of peace that knowing my children are in good hands and they are serving their purpose. I know they are around me all the time.
Now it is my turnto pay attention to the path and the direction I am going. I am free to do this now. Just have to give myself the permissionto do so. I saw after I got that message last night that I have some marching orders. I was set free, thekids are ok. Doesn’t mean I’ll ever not miss them, I certainly love them. It means that it is out of my hands. It is my turn to be healed and then to heal.To heal through my arts and through my gift of healing. My soul has been hungry for a long time. Grief has taken a good part of the past 7 years of my life between my two beautiful sons. Time to feed her and not my body.
Many people have not comprehended the impact of the word. We have a choice. We create our own reality? We can either bless ourselves, or curse ourselves. This can be very empowering to us. Most of us are inherently good people. We want good experiences for ourselves. Positive outcomes can simply show up for ourselves by being conscious about what comes out of our mouths.
The spoken word is energy. Many of set our ourselves up for failure, then wonder what hit us. By using the words I can’t, shouldn’t, won’t, these are just a few.
We all have an opportunity to use the creative word energy to impact our lives. We CAN manifest what ever we want. Catch ourselves as we spew negativity from our mouths. We all do this and it is so unnecessary. Changing it instantaneously, can change our mood and behavior just as fast.
I challenge you to try just for a week. I always encourage to journal. Feel free to comment. Would love to hear from you!
There is a hurricane coming! Meteorologist is in high gear on TV, and they are soooo excited! People all around are at the stores buying up all the water and supplies. Well, I can really freak out or not. First of all, they have no clue what direction it is going. I am watching all the people panic. Many Floridians already know this. Some still panic.
I check to see if I had batteries and all the things you need for the go-bag. I got food. I filled the water bottles. Which I have not developed the list yet. It is Thursday, It is not coming until Monday and that is if it hits here. Well ran out of batteries, ordered from Amazon, here by tomorrow. The task is done.
Worry makes us old! There are so many times we waste so much time with unnecessary anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I lived through 2 horrifying experiences in 2004 with 10 each without electric. Not to mention the level 5 coming at us 5 years ago that didn’t hit our area that bad. I don’t want to go through this again. Yes, I am nervous. But we have time. I have the stuff in the house.
It is not hitting to Sunday, Monday or maybe Tuesday. So how many days are we going to put our body into turmoil? We do this to ourselves, not just through hurricanes. Anxiety is so harmful to us. We don’t need a pill. We can do this! It is important at this time to stop and pause, pace yourself, take a few deep breaths. Make your list. You just might be surprised that you already have most of the items and your go-to bag is full. If the hurricane doesn’t even come your way. You put yourself through an unnecessary unliving hell for nothing. Now Breathe!
I’ve been journaling for several years. In a matter of fact, I have over 25 years of journals just waiting to be sorted through.
Before I begin a notebook, I put what am I grateful for right on the front page. Over the years, things have changed. I see now that I’m older, things seemed so silly to me now. So unimportant. It is nice to go back and see this for yourself. it is very healing. Be creative! Use different color pens, sketch in there, use different types of paper. I use regular notebook paper with tear out perforation so I can tear it out and put it in a looseleaf notebook after.
You get to see how you managed to land on your feet, after a traumatic time. Oh, I had a lot of those! When you look back. You get to see how you had a part in it. How you can do things differently. Once your children grow older, you get to see that you put your own parents through hell, or maybe, you were not so bad after all! Each incident and journey is different. I never strived for perfection. Nothing is. But I always put my best foot forward. You are only fooling yourself if you think that you can be perfect.
Privacy can be an issue. If you are writing your journal in a document. Make it password protected.
Many times I find I open up a blank page. That is when I go to my page where I write where I am grateful. Other times I take a saying and let my feelings revolve around the topic. Sometimes. I really do amaze myself. I encourage you to pick up a pen and paper, or go to your computer and start writing out your journey. If you have not already started. I would love to hear from anyone on ideas about journaling.
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