This post came across my FB page today as a memory from last year! Wanted to share it with you. Because I find it very uplifting.
My instinct was to change the gender on the above quote. But then it wouldn’t be a quote!
It has been a month now since just one more friend left me. This one didn’t like my way of thinking after taking years and many hours of my time, that I know that we both enjoyed. We supported each other, checked in on each other and in one night. it was a two way street. Then poof she flipped a switch out of no where. It certainly something that had nothing to do with me. People can certainly take time in life to retrospect, but no need to try destroy people in order to push them away. In the past I would have owned what is not mine. But I can see in this year along. I so clearly see this is not my circus. I sending only healing light her way.
Since I was a little girl, I never really felt I fit in with the regiment of religion or groups. I seemed to have run into the types that love to want to control. When they realize they can’t… they go in a major destruction mode. I’ve seen this pattern. I may fall a little bit, because I didn’t realize what hit me! I get up fast and I get stronger! There is always the person that said I didn’t get up fast enough. I have strong faith and there was always an instictual twinge within me saying….Nah! I always beat to my own drum. Everytime I go against my grain and try to fit in, I am the one that pays the price. As I got older, I really get tired of the trying. It is about taking advantage of my kindness…then using it against me. Some said along the way if they were me they would do it better. But guess what they are not me and it did what works for me. May not get done as fast as one would like. The end result was the main thing.
This doesn’t mean that I should isolate, or be mean to people. It means spend more quality time with me. Reflect, speak and listen to spirt. As I keep speaking my truth, I step into my truth. All the things people wanted of me, droped by your wayside, it simply didn’t fit! Just maybe all those years I’ve been feeding my emotions so I can fit in places that I really didn’t want to be. Did society really require my attendance? I just didn’t need to be there. Each second, moment and day is a new beginning to start fresh. If by me living by my own integrity is shining my light to bright. So be it.
“Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power”…. Clint Eastwood
With each day, I am finding that I am getting more disciplined. I am owning what issues I need to address and do not own the ones that are none of my business. Sometimes there is a fine line between the two. I have to take a deep breathe then say… That has nothing to do with me. I found with age. I’m getting better with that.
At times when you are vulnerable, we tend to own what others think we should. They are very persistant. It is important to take time to shake off what doesn’t belong to us. There are a lot of psychic vampires that are around us. Those are the ones that don’t like to see you succeed. Don’t like you see you happy. They will go out of the way to bring you down.
As above, so below. When things are happening here on earth, assume there are plenty of energy particles floating around that you don’t see, that can affect you. When I sometimes describe a psychic vampire, I say that it is like you walk into a meeting with a suit of velcro on…and when you walk out of there you have all these energy balls stuck to you. These are the energies of the ones throwing negative thoughts your way. They have their own anger but they want you to own them. They don’t want them but who better than you. You are vulnerable, you will accept them and they don’t have to anymore.
You don’t have to be in a vulnerable spot to be hit by this energy. You can be happy and your life going well. The key is noticing this is what is going on in the moment. Catch it and return it back to the sender. Visualize putting up a mirror and the worst words are going back to them. Don’t own it. If you are an empath. It hurts you worst. Many times you just accept it because of fear. Ask yourself fear of what? Is it my fear?
There are items, amulets and talisman with different symbols that can protect you. Black tourmaline is a good protection. Many cultures have various power items you can use. Many times it is harder when you are around family and very close friends. Your guard is down and they are the last ones you would suspect. Zap …they got you. Each time you catch it, as it is happening. You get stronger. This is self-respect. Because you do deserve it. No one can have power over you unless you hand it to them. Love yourself today
It is very easy to look at the memes that flash by our paths daily on social media. This one in particular was one I wanted to address here. It is easy for someone to say don’t listen, walk away and stay firm. But when you care about someone, invested significant time in a relationship, friendship… this seems impossible. It hurts, it sucks and it is just not right.
What is important is step back. Take a look at it. What was my part in it. Did I have something to do with it? If I did, I’ll try to talk to them. Will they listen to both sides? Was it both parties? Talk it out. Even better did it have anything to do with me at all? Some people just need to put a blame on someone else for the difficulties, saddness, insecurities. They need to feel better and they do it by putting you down. They don’t have a life many times and why they feel they need to attempt to destroy yours too.
This behavior is infultratred in the media. Bullies have been around for centuries. However, how we react to it is what matters. Intellectually we know this. Especially if you are an empath. It is like a smack in the face. It leaves you numb and frozen. It is ok to have these feelings. But take a deep breathe, and revert back to don’t listen, walk away and stand firm. Have a discussion if you think they will be receptive if not. Don’t take that personally either. It’s their problem, not yours. You will be ok. Just because you are.
Stormy weather is not the trees blown in the wind, nor are the surprises coming from the weather people. They are the people who you least expect it to come from at full force with no warning. I can not control these people, nor do I wish too. But just because they say that I should, I could or do anything, doesn’t mean that I have too, nor does it mean that I’m a bad person or not a good friend. It means I do not do things in the same way or the same manor as they do. I can not control these types. What hurts is you had faith that these people are your friends. These storms come from out of left field like a tornado. I’m disappointed that is true. I can’t control the weather, but I can control me.
I’ve ducked for cover and wait out the storm during these times. I’ve had these blast of weather surprises come at me more than I care to mention. I have had to exercise the art of patience over the years. I’m a good friend and a listener. But that art of patience is not my strongest virtue when I’ve been dealt blast of stormy wind. I do not wish to be whipped around with the waves of emotion. I can either stay in its path or protect myself. I do not intend to be caught up in this one. I will wait out the storm. My strength has not withered, it is just knowing that this was not my storm to whether.
We all have rough days. So more difficult than others. But we have to choose whether we want to mire in the muck or move forward. It’s a rainy type of day. My bones hurt and I can really surrender to going to sleep and stay in there until the morning.
For me when I feel things are impossible, I come into the office and start typing. I can write myself out of impossible and realize that I am possible. Sometimes this is a daily task. It works for me. Then I’ll take it a next step and talk to someone on here or on phone that I know that I can help. It gets me out of being in a pity party. Leaves me with a good feeling. What do you do to get you out of an impossible mood?
To me this saying is to get past the fear, is put one step in front of the other. That sounds so simple. When you are in the middle of your deepest fear, depression or anxiety…you just want to smack someone when they say something so cliche!
When I read this quote. The first thing I thought of is to start with a cup of coffee!. That is necessary. It gets your mind thinking. I worked years amonst engineers and they always had a cup of coffee in their hand as they walked around with their minds in a creative place. I had many days that I looked at the white screen that needed words on it desparately. My mind was whirling and couldn’t figure what to write. I went to famous quotes, then images created my own meme in Microsoft Publisher. Wala, I have an image. No… it wasn’t my quote, No it wasn’t my image. It wasn’t even the original image the quote was on! But what it did is it made it possible for my mind to start writing and journaling.
The next step will be the impossible. That will be my own images that I create, and the quote maybe my own.
I see that this quote is a useful one especially when I don’t want to exercise. Just getting up is necessary. Walk a few steps, Then what I thought was impossible was walking down the street daily. Not quite there yet. When I go through difficult challenges, something so simple as starting with a cup of coffee or getting up off my butt…just might be the very thing that sparks the impossible! This could be used for organizing too. I have a few piles of stuff to be addressed! Looking at it this way. The Impossible is action. It becomes possible and then necessary! Try it!
I spent many years staying in the house. I did not exactly not have a good excuse and I used them all. Mainly no access to a vehicle, because of my partner’s work. I had a horrible accident back in 2011 with a 18 wheeler. It has left me with a challenge to walk. Something happened…maybe a divine intervention. I don’t know. But it wasn’t good on his part but definately for me. He landed in the hospital. He’s doing a little better. But he can’t work. So guess who has to drive.
It was easy to stay in the house and have a pity party. But I went online and found things to do that I like. I went to a meditation group and joined a book club. I love it. I’m not done yet! I’m going to be able to start doing Reiki in at the meditation group. I know my son wanted to me to get out more and be independent. I really started to do that after he passed in January. But then got quite comfortable sitting in my spot in front of the TV. I need to stick with this. My soul has been crying out to meet new like minded people. To come alive again. I loved getting out.
I’ve very glad that D (my partner) is doing well by the day. But he can’t really go out and work yet. When or if he does. I made an agreement to use the car in the day and he can work at night. He likes waking up late and I’m a mornings. It is amazing how you are thrown road blocks and then when you take a minute you get to see how they were not at all meant to block you but to free you!
Back in about 2008, I started my Masters program in Strategic Leadership and Personal Development. I completed 3/4 of the program minus the internship. At this time my eldest son found he had brain cancer. Just couldn’t put two words together at the time. Years since, i wanted to finish my program. The school since closed and life just took me away to this past year where I lost my second son to sepsis.
I feel that the life experience that I had gone through these years certainly can be justified as an internship. I don’t think there is a more difficult road to follow. The loss of 2 children. My story, my strength, my work, my studying says it all. So this degree might have taken a round about direction. But I landed where I needed to be. Many parents are losing children more and more unfortunately. But my story is my story. It is something only to be experienced. These writings are the beginnings of my book. No one can tell me that I am wrong or right…once you lose someone, especially children. I am at a level in spirituality that I am ready to face whatever God is about to hand me. Because I have already survived the most unimaginable task of giving my children up to spirit. I got a message from spirit in meditation not to long ago. I was told that my children are in good hands and now it is my turn to heal and work my purpose.
Just when I think I have been through the worst, my life partner ended up emergency with Congested Heart Failure and Hypertension. He was in there for a week and now I’m here and have to face this. I felt myself getting soooo mad. How dare he. I was just beginning to feel a bit better. Then in this morning meditation, I realized it was me I am mad at. I need to be able to fulfill my purpose no matter what is thrown at me. All will be well. That insight was not an easy one to face. I’ve already been though enough. This has got to stop. But I saw, inspite of everything that goes on around me, I have to heal myself first. All else will heal by itself. Just by being.
I got my marching orders. I’ve always been a healer, and my path is about helping others. I just never got the clarification before hand about what I was helping others with. Leadership is about leading yourself first then others. The determination to do so comes from my inner being. My Masters Degree is complete! So it is! Next…
It has been a rough week. My life partner has been admitted with both some heart and kidney failure. It has been very trying for me. Dealing with hospitals alone can send you in a whirlwind. It has been less than a year since my son died so all this stuff is fresh in my brain. I will trust he will be fine.
Since all this has happened, I had to get up and move around more, walk more, do more. Break through fears. It was rough the first couple of days. But now that it has been a week, it felt good to walk, it feels good to get up and to do things. I’m choosing to eat healthier. Key is why do I need a horrible event to get me moving. I am not alone on this, that I know.
Sometimes when we are faced with something like this. We have to look in the mirror and say. Hey what is it about me that I don’t like with this situation. I am in no position to call the kettle black, I can be mad at him if I am not caring for myself. Wake up time!!!!!