Back in about 2008, I started my Masters program in Strategic Leadership and Personal Development. I completed 3/4 of the program minus the internship. At this time my eldest son found he had brain cancer. Just couldn’t put two words together at the time. Years since, i wanted to finish my program. The school since closed and life just took me away to this past year where I lost my second son to sepsis.
I feel that the life experience that I had gone through these years certainly can be justified as an internship. I don’t think there is a more difficult road to follow. The loss of 2 children. My story, my strength, my work, my studying says it all. So this degree might have taken a round about direction. But I landed where I needed to be. Many parents are losing children more and more unfortunately. But my story is my story. It is something only to be experienced. These writings are the beginnings of my book. No one can tell me that I am wrong or right…once you lose someone, especially children. I am at a level in spirituality that I am ready to face whatever God is about to hand me. Because I have already survived the most unimaginable task of giving my children up to spirit. I got a message from spirit in meditation not to long ago. I was told that my children are in good hands and now it is my turn to heal and work my purpose.
Just when I think I have been through the worst, my life partner ended up emergency with Congested Heart Failure and Hypertension. He was in there for a week and now I’m here and have to face this. I felt myself getting soooo mad. How dare he. I was just beginning to feel a bit better. Then in this morning meditation, I realized it was me I am mad at. I need to be able to fulfill my purpose no matter what is thrown at me. All will be well. That insight was not an easy one to face. I’ve already been though enough. This has got to stop. But I saw, inspite of everything that goes on around me, I have to heal myself first. All else will heal by itself. Just by being.
I got my marching orders. I’ve always been a healer, and my path is about helping others. I just never got the clarification before hand about what I was helping others with. Leadership is about leading yourself first then others. The determination to do so comes from my inner being. My Masters Degree is complete! So it is! Next…
It has been a rough week. My life partner has been admitted with both some heart and kidney failure. It has been very trying for me. Dealing with hospitals alone can send you in a whirlwind. It has been less than a year since my son died so all this stuff is fresh in my brain. I will trust he will be fine.
Since all this has happened, I had to get up and move around more, walk more, do more. Break through fears. It was rough the first couple of days. But now that it has been a week, it felt good to walk, it feels good to get up and to do things. I’m choosing to eat healthier. Key is why do I need a horrible event to get me moving. I am not alone on this, that I know.
Sometimes when we are faced with something like this. We have to look in the mirror and say. Hey what is it about me that I don’t like with this situation. I am in no position to call the kettle black, I can be mad at him if I am not caring for myself. Wake up time!!!!!
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have questioned myself. What is my calling?
I have been searching and researching since I was a little girl. There was something in me that felt that I did not fit into the box of the big 3 major religions. I am a rebel from right out of the gate. Being a rebel isn’t always a bad thing. Most of the trouble I’d get myself in, is with my mouth. Always inquisitive! Putting the pieces of the puzzle together and possibly take that path. I took risks and I got burned and more often I succeeded. I never gave up searching. The calling was always strong.
My research took me to the eastern philosophies. I learned about energy and became a Reiki Master\Teacher. I learned many other types of healing. I knew myself better, that i could not remember all those terms in main stream medicine. Nor Eastern for that fact! I felt that I was being called to heal. Researching western mysticism of Kabbalah led me to another path. There is a similarity between the healing that and the chakra system. The energy centers are just called something different. Both systems are complex as you get more advanced, yet fascinating!
When you start to compare various philosophies, you will find that there is a common thread and that is called Love. At this point no matter what direction that was chosen, I couldn’t go wrong as long as it came from a place of love. When I would meditate I would get some insightful messages. I’d get you are going to do this or that, but not how to do it. This left me frustrated and led me to the question…what next.
I’ve been journaling for several years and wrote these messages down. So I started a list of what I liked working on. I had 25 years of journals to choose from. Went to several seminars. Had such a zest to learn more. It was never enough to fill some void that I had to fulfill a calling. I never could quite put my finger on exactly.
Then in 2012 I lost my son older son to Brain Cancer. It left me numb for several years. Didn’t do any healing and especially not on myself. I ate through my grief. Just I felt I was coming out of the fog, My younger and only son was taken from me. I have nothing left to lose. My heart is broken. So I thought. I started doing what always made me feel good. I wrote. I joined groups of other parents who lost children. Having lost one son already and time has passed. I felt that I can be of service to others. I also wanted to help others with coping with grief with out the help of meds. Working with a do it yourself method when going through the worst moments. So combining the my energy healing background and my experience I took to writing this blog. Writing gives me a purpose and and reason to share and be of service to others.
The blog started this way but also has evolved to helping anyone who felt that wanted to heal look at healing themselves. Not just people grieving for children either. I’m not a doctor. I do have to say check with your doctor before trying any form of healing. But I think you don’t need permission to take deep breaths. I have tried several of the different methods that I have shared. Many times I haven’t.
Would love to hear from you on your experience. Many times when we go through difficult times. It appears we can not get out of our own way. Look through some old posts and try something different. One way doesn’t work for all. Sometimes I go back myself and look, because I need a reminder. I really appreciate all of you that have started following me and would love to hear from you! Do you know what your calling is?
This life… is your movie, You have choices to make for you and for no one else. Like the above meme states we have to accept the consequences for every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime. Taking responsibility is not always easy. But it is very healing. Because you get to see how much power you really do have within yourself. You can choose to have a roll on how it plays out for you.
Someone I know, gave me some bad news that they thought could happen if things don’t change and I don’t take action. So my thinking started to go on a whirlwind downhill. I’ve been upset and miserable because of this for several days. Then I realized that is my story not anyone elses. I awakened with the feeling that I can change this. So I kept repeating my favorite saying. Everything will be ok. I kept doing this and realized that the energy shifted. I was not miserable. We were joking and things started to look uplifting around me. I felt good things are coming my way.
When we get flustered, we tend to seek outside of ourselves to see what someone else may have to offer on the topic. But ultimately it is up to us. We take what we need and leave the rest. Ultimately the choice is ours and how we react or act. Sometimes we are dealt some really rough issues. Sometimes too many at once. However, this is the time to take to go within and meditate. Take a deep breath, and see what advice spirit has in store for you. You might be surprised. If you are headed down a path that starts to appear just not right…turn around and run.
Years ago I was told by an elder that I was a very strong person. During these times when I feel like I’m drowning, I tend to reach up to a sinking ship, wondering why they can’t save me. In many instances, I’ve been the one pulling them up by the boot straps anyway! This is the time that I need to pull up my big girl pants and walk to shore. Because I am actually in shallow water all that time. I can count on me like I always have and get on with life.
Note: Rely on yourself and your own creator every time you are confronted with a path that was not meant for you.
I’ve been journaling for several years. In a matter of fact, I have over 25 years of journals just waiting to be sorted through.
Before I begin a notebook, I put what am I grateful for right on the front page. Over the years, things have changed. I see now that I’m older, things seemed so silly to me now. So unimportant. It is nice to go back and see this for yourself. it is very healing. Be creative! Use different color pens, sketch in there, use different types of paper. I use regular notebook paper with tear out perforation so I can tear it out and put it in a looseleaf notebook after.
You get to see how you managed to land on your feet, after a traumatic time. Oh, I had a lot of those! When you look back. You get to see how you had a part in it. How you can do things differently. Once your children grow older, you get to see that you put your own parents through hell, or maybe, you were not so bad after all! Each incident and journey is different. I never strived for perfection. Nothing is. But I always put my best foot forward. You are only fooling yourself if you think that you can be perfect.
Privacy can be an issue. If you are writing your journal in a document. Make it password protected.
Many times I find I open up a blank page. That is when I go to my page where I write where I am grateful. Other times I take a saying and let my feelings revolve around the topic. Sometimes. I really do amaze myself. I encourage you to pick up a pen and paper, or go to your computer and start writing out your journey. If you have not already started. I would love to hear from anyone on ideas about journaling.
I had a rough day today. I had some good news and that is we paid off our house today. But then we had some bad news. Our car is messed up. The dealership knows it is Corporate problem but won’t acknowledge it. I looked it up on the car problems of the manufacture. I did what I could. But This overshadowed the happy news.
I noticed myself lashing out at my partner, I started going to take a nap and ended up with 3 phone calls. So that wasn’t going to happen. So I did what always makes me happy. WRITE!
I also did a few tutorials. It feels good to get myself out of the funk. Paying off a home, is good news. I am going to celebrate.
Ive spent most of my career in the computer world. With over 40 years experience, I’ve learned that before you take on a project, you map out your plan.
Why not take this knowledge to everyday life. In our busy lives, we forge ahead to get through our daily tasks and then wonder why they don’t get done. I took a time management course. I learned that completion creates energy, incompletion, deminishes it. So we have a choice which direction to take on this map.
Programming is a lot of yes, no, if, then, and that thought process. You take situations of your life through this process. Write it down.
You get to see how much time you waste. You also make time for more activities. Some steps are just not necessary, so why go there or do them?
You also get to see how silly you were, to be anxious over a task, how easy it was to complete. Simply by eliminating unnecessary tasks on your journey.
I invite you to start mapping your life tasks, so you can make room to be truly alive!
Love to hear from you!
Over the past 45 years, I have learned so much. I didn’t limit myself and there was always something just waiting for me to absorb the information. I love to learn (not test). I stood on the shoulders of giants in the metaphysical and natural healing fields.
My first introduction to healing was with Louise Hay books. You Can Heal Your Life. Her principles are on cause and effect. That we create our own illness, but we can create our wellness too. I liked this concept and I adapted it to my own core principles throughout the rest of my life. Over the years, as I learned new tools, I found myself going back to these principles.
These learning tools are just the way I followed my path. Not saying this is the way you should. No one can tell you that you should do anything. This is what helped me. My favorite part of Louise Hay’s book is she had a chart in the back of her book. That listed the ailment and then the cause. And a positive affirmation with the intention of healing the concern.
After all these years what do I do with all this information? There are many giants in this industry that I studied and I learned from. I will be sharing them with you and you can enjoy your own learning journey. Share it with you!
When friends let me down. Yes, they are human. I turn to my crystals. They are wiser and present a deeper meaning to what I really need to know. Lapis Lazuli is a stone for wisdom. I made this for myself for the very purpose to bring forth insights!
I view a crystal as a transmitter to the sacred space within each and every one of us. This is where energy overflows and it is one of our keys or our tools for transforming ourself. Many sages believe that crystals have the highest form of knowledge, and they can show us what we need in the past, present, and future. They speak to us.
When we wear jewelry we infuse their healing qualities. They are from the earth. They all have a chemical make up. If our body needs that chemical in our body it will take from the stone. Like shells have calcium. It will take what it needs. Lapis has a long chemical make up …so I simply use charts. When looking for insight, you are not going for physical healing, however, it will do the healing anyway.
When I design jewelry, I also pray and chant as I design it. I love working with mostly natural stones. I love the feel of it. Plastic just doesn’t do that for you. I may use it for design and space. In this piece, the copper also has properties along with Swarovski crystals.
People of the east have been using crystals to help us live harmoniously for thousands of years. The west took hold of it in the 80s and adapted it to our holistic way of living. I will be bringing forth other healing stones and designs as we go along. Have a wonderful day for yourself and find a stone that suits you and sees what it has to say!
I was sitting in my favorite chair as I was reading one book on energy. I felt I needed another, Just because it wasn’t giving me the answer I needed. Because I was being lazy, I looked online first to see if I can find something (you can always find a home for another book). I didn’t find what I wanted I needed. So I did get up and walked along the wall of books that I own and found just what I needed.
Before I found what I needed, I looked at all the names of the books as I scanned them. I realized how much fun it is that I have this library to just go to when I want. I’m like a little child and always in awe of them. They are my friends. As I scan them the right one will speak to me!
I sat down and the book I found was exactly what I needed. I was looking for QiGong Healing, This book said massage. But it was actually the same according to this book. I just got so engrossed in it and am going to add it to my healing knowledge toolbox.
I went down for a nap after I looked over the book. I was happy about what I found. I woke 2 hours after and jumped to the floor because I couldn’t wait to write. Yes, I love to write. This is how I know what my passion is. I never took the time to write a book. I’d write 10 to 12 pages, maybe more. Coming to this format and writing what I love to talk about and share, Makes me happy. Thank you for being there my friends.