I had an appointment today and was asked how many children do I have. At first, I said, not sure how to answer this. She gave me a strange look. I choked up, a little bit of tears. Then sat up straight and said …, Yes, I have two in heaven!
To hear those words come out of my mouth made it really real! At that moment, there was a shift in energy. I had a choice, do I fall apart, or do I pull up my big girl panties and stand strong. All my life I fought to stay strong in the face of adversary. Today, was one more day I chose strong once again.
“In the Lakota/Sioux tradition, a person who is grieving is considered most waken, most holy. There’s a sense that when someone is struck by the sudden lightning of loss, he or she stands on the threshold of the spirit world. The prayers of those who grieve are considered especially strong, and it is proper to ask them for their help. You might recall what it’s like to be with someone who has grieved deeply. The person has no layer of protection, nothing left to defend. The mystery is looking out through that person’s eyes. For the time being, he or she has accepted the reality of loss and has stopped clinging to the past or grasping at the future. In the groundless openness of sorrow, there is a wholeness of presence and a deep natural wisdom.”
This is an article from the organization of Grief.com. Where are you in your journey? Did you know that you can really apply these principles to many situations that you are challenged with?
I’m only 2 months in from my loss from my younger son Allen. I do ok. I have my moments but I’m functioning. I am doing well with my sugar numbers, even though I had a perfectly good reason to go haywire.
But then came another blow. My dear friend of over 20 years, took ill in hospital and I lost her yesterday. She does not live near me. I was blessed to be able to say goodbye to her. Her daughter put the phone up to her ear. Even though we did not live near. We were on the phone daily chatting. To me, that was a visit. We helped each other through the toughest of time. Yes, she was there for me when both my sons passed. We were there for each other at times for celebration too.
My heart is so heavy right now. I feel that grief is trauma. When you have to deal with so much of it…it takes a toll on you. This is the second friend within a year that has passed from kidney failure. What this is showing me, is that I need to stay diligent with my food plan and avoid the sugars. Take care of myself. This goes back to why I even started this blog. I want to live.
Keeping in the context of we can create our wellness as well as our illness. I have been trying to catch myself when I am cursing things out. Complaining about stupid things, realizing how important was it really.
I am choosing to stay positive the best that I can. Maybe there won’t be a hurricane that hits us if I don’t worry about! Interesting thought! Or group consciousness…many people not worry. Many people down in Florida don’t even move until they really really know it is about to hit. The newscasters start the fear mongering in January. Being human, and if you have ever been through one, makes you hypersensitive.
Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want, so now I can see how I was faced with so many sh*t storms. I created them. Owning up to your actions is tough. But oh, so necessary. More and more that you can correct yourself when you hear those words coming out of your mouth. Saves you a lot of grief.
When I was taking the journey to my son’s funeral in January. I had not flown since 2009. I was worried about everything. All the what ifs… were piling up. I had to make it stop so I caught myself and kept chanting…”Everything will be alright”. Guess what it was! The plans all fell into place. Amazing how we have the power to change our fate.
I had a rough day yesterday. I was watching the political hearing and thinking, if Allen was alive, we would have been on the phone discussing it. just made me miss him.
Today I decided to upgrade this blog and now have my domain name. Chayathewisdomkeeper.com. Feeling better about this.
I’m gind ing it is ok, to allow yourself a sad day, as long as you pick yourself up right away. Doesn’t mean your less strong, means you are having a moment. Tomorrow it will only be 2 months, for my older son, gone 6 yrs and 3 months. I know they don’t want me to wallow in sorrow. Today, is A NEW DAY, NEW ACCOMPLISHMENTS!
Mercury goes into retrograde next Tues, March 6. Since my sun sign is ruled by Mercury, sun sign too!. I have to play closer attention. I can sit and feel sad, which I have. I have a right. But need to take action. I have plans. I have not hit my design table for quite a while. Before my son passed anyway.
I spent a day over the weekend going through several articles and topics of information that I have saved over several decades. I have not worked with much of my healing toolbox. I feel a strong pull. That is why I decided to write a blog. I have studied with some interesting people and stood on the shoulders of giants. Time to pass my wisdom on. Some I wrote, some I didn’t. What I didn’t I give credit to.
I remember one thing that gets me moving is when I design. I work with natural beads. The beads heal me as I create. They calm me and I feel good. I sing and I chant. I put healing into the beads that I create as well. This will all good intention that whomever the piece finds will find much love and healing themselves. As I put the healing in with this intention. In return receive the love and return. Can’t go wrong.
Stay tuned for some new pieces. Also re-engineered! I just looked at what I have and going to break down and recreate! I plan on getting them on ETSY before the retrograde. I’m setting my goal right here! This will keep me busy!
Started my ETSY account today. What started being a gloomy day, turned out being quite productive! Yay!