Posted in Chaya's Journey, Insights, Self Determination

The Self is Dangerous

My instinct was to change the gender on the above quote. But then it wouldn’t be a quote!

It has been a month now since just one more friend left me. This one didn’t like my way of thinking after taking years and many hours of my time, that I know that we both enjoyed. We supported each other, checked in on each other and in one night. it was a two way street. Then poof she flipped a switch out of no where. It certainly something that had nothing to do with me. People can certainly take time in life to retrospect, but no need to try destroy people in order to push them away. In the past I would have owned what is not mine. But I can see in this year along. I so clearly see this is not my circus. I sending only healing light her way.

Since I was a little girl, I never really felt I fit in with the regiment of religion or groups. I seemed to have run into the types that love to want to control. When they realize they can’t… they go in a major destruction mode. I’ve seen this pattern. I may fall a little bit, because I didn’t realize what hit me! I get up fast and I get stronger! There is always the person that said I didn’t get up fast enough. I have strong faith and there was always an instictual twinge within me saying….Nah! I always beat to my own drum. Everytime I go against my grain and try to fit in, I am the one that pays the price. As I got older, I really get tired of the trying. It is about taking advantage of my kindness…then using it against me. Some said along the way if they were me they would do it better. But guess what they are not me and it did what works for me. May not get done as fast as one would like. The end result was the main thing.

This doesn’t mean that I should isolate, or be mean to people. It means spend more quality time with me. Reflect, speak and listen to spirt. As I keep speaking my truth, I step into my truth. All the things people wanted of me, droped by your wayside, it simply didn’t fit! Just maybe all those years I’ve been feeding my emotions so I can fit in places that I really didn’t want to be. Did society really require my attendance? I just didn’t need to be there. Each second, moment and day is a new beginning to start fresh. If by me living by my own integrity is shining my light to bright. So be it.