I had a rough week this week. Yes, I miss you too! I’ve been so sensitive about the silliest of things. I caught myself crying. I’ve tried so much to stay strong. Then the flood gates opened and they didn’t stop. I feel that sometimes it is so hard to stay strong you have to give yourself a break. Regroup and start all over again. Each time it gets less and less time between strong times.
All week I stayed on the couch. Did not do much. Numb. I just don’t like that. It is not right. Then I start with the wrong foods. This morning I said Stop!
Then I said to myself that it is ok to have a good cry. You lost 2 children. You gave birth to them, you raised them, fed them, clothed them, and everything else that goes along with raising children. All of a sudden they are pulled out from under you. You watched them suffer. Your heart is still connected to them. Poof…they are gone. What an empty feeling. They were adults they had their own lives. They were out on their own. But I really miss them! That is ok!
Today I’m typing this from my computer, opposed to the tablet. I am in my office and ready to start designing some jewelry. Hope you have a great day!
I have so many things on my list to do. My ADD kicked in and my brain went into a whirlwind. I finally found my way into the office and started working on paperwork. Getting organized and created some forms for my personal accounting. I had to remember to punch a 3 hole in the forms. You know they would get put back into the paper file and be rendered useless. Well, this is a start!
Good timing! I sure need to release my energy blocks that is keeping me from moving forward. Had a few rough days. I know it is grief. Today is a good day to start.
I invite you to indulge yourself in participating in your own full moon release. Bring your crystals and oils, release the blocks. Journal it out
All things work out in divine order …
and it is so!
I had a rough weekend. My partner passed a kidney stones, ouch! He required attention. I didn’t mind. But I realized I forgot me.
I didn’t post my food, nor eat healthy meals. I will always be there for other people, I’ll keep doing it. The poor guy was in pain, I was very concerned. But I forgot to take care of me.
I’d love to find out a way to jump out of the moment to take care of me, consistently. Mainly, because there will always be something happening. I get through the stress, then i want to eat anything not tied down.
The key is not settling on forgetting ourselves, no matter what is thrown in our path! It is about settling on being the best we can! You keep striving, you get it!
I had an appointment today and was asked how many children do I have. At first, I said, not sure how to answer this. She gave me a strange look. I choked up, a little bit of tears. Then sat up straight and said …, Yes, I have two in heaven!
To hear those words come out of my mouth made it really real! At that moment, there was a shift in energy. I had a choice, do I fall apart, or do I pull up my big girl panties and stand strong. All my life I fought to stay strong in the face of adversary. Today, was one more day I chose strong once again.
“In the Lakota/Sioux tradition, a person who is grieving is considered most waken, most holy. There’s a sense that when someone is struck by the sudden lightning of loss, he or she stands on the threshold of the spirit world. The prayers of those who grieve are considered especially strong, and it is proper to ask them for their help. You might recall what it’s like to be with someone who has grieved deeply. The person has no layer of protection, nothing left to defend. The mystery is looking out through that person’s eyes. For the time being, he or she has accepted the reality of loss and has stopped clinging to the past or grasping at the future. In the groundless openness of sorrow, there is a wholeness of presence and a deep natural wisdom.”
Well I’ve been waiting for feedback and found I did the page wrong. Oh well. Now looking forward to hearing from you!
This is an article from the organization of Grief.com. Where are you in your journey? Did you know that you can really apply these principles to many situations that you are challenged with?
I’m only 2 months in from my loss from my younger son Allen. I do ok. I have my moments but I’m functioning. I am doing well with my sugar numbers, even though I had a perfectly good reason to go haywire.
But then came another blow. My dear friend of over 20 years, took ill in hospital and I lost her yesterday. She does not live near me. I was blessed to be able to say goodbye to her. Her daughter put the phone up to her ear. Even though we did not live near. We were on the phone daily chatting. To me, that was a visit. We helped each other through the toughest of time. Yes, she was there for me when both my sons passed. We were there for each other at times for celebration too.
My heart is so heavy right now. I feel that grief is trauma. When you have to deal with so much of it…it takes a toll on you. This is the second friend within a year that has passed from kidney failure. What this is showing me, is that I need to stay diligent with my food plan and avoid the sugars. Take care of myself. This goes back to why I even started this blog. I want to live.
Keeping in the context of we can create our wellness as well as our illness. I have been trying to catch myself when I am cursing things out. Complaining about stupid things, realizing how important was it really.
I am choosing to stay positive the best that I can. Maybe there won’t be a hurricane that hits us if I don’t worry about! Interesting thought! Or group consciousness…many people not worry. Many people down in Florida don’t even move until they really really know it is about to hit. The newscasters start the fear mongering in January. Being human, and if you have ever been through one, makes you hypersensitive.
Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want, so now I can see how I was faced with so many sh*t storms. I created them. Owning up to your actions is tough. But oh, so necessary. More and more that you can correct yourself when you hear those words coming out of your mouth. Saves you a lot of grief.
When I was taking the journey to my son’s funeral in January. I had not flown since 2009. I was worried about everything. All the what ifs… were piling up. I had to make it stop so I caught myself and kept chanting…”Everything will be alright”. Guess what it was! The plans all fell into place. Amazing how we have the power to change our fate.