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If it is going to be, it is up to me!

So many people doubted that I would ever have done half of what I have proven that I could do. When they got done with their judgment of me, I would continue on my own downward spiral of self-pity. Even though On the outside, I would be strong. Then I realized how many would still be in bed after the events that I have endured. There haven’t been too many types of trauma that have not found its way to challenge me. Always end up on my two feet.

The first day of the year I was faced with the news of my son’s passing. I made a decision at that moment that I was going to choose to live. I spent 6 years stuffing my grief and sorrows with food. I don’t drink or drug. I started taking care of myself but like so many other times I have put a roadblock up. Many times it is not me. It is people or circumstances.

Death of a child is not insignificant by any means. But the choice to self-sabotage is. All these issues become overwhelming and trying to be strong. I stuff my feelings. Every time, there is an excuse and I’m the one who pays dearly. Before my son got sick this year at end of November. I made a decision that I had to forgive myself for all that happened around my first son’s death. Somethings were just out of my control. His Angel date is on the 5th of December. I didn’t want to be sad anymore and wanted to celebrate his life. I wanted to enjoy the holidays this year.

No sooner did I make this statement when I heard my second son took ill. I forgot all the promises I made to myself and my sugar numbers went off the charts. My younger son did not want me to tell anyone about his illness. I felt I was all alone on this one. He didn’t answer phones. It wasn’t an easy time. It was stressful. This lasted a month of not taking care of me in spite of what was going on. I worked so hard on my food plan before this.

The day I had to fly up to see my son, I had plenty of time to talk to me. I decided that I was not going to spend a lot of years again grieving and sabotaging myself. I was going to live. When I got up to Connecticut, I walked more during that time and at the cemetery and walking up and down steps, it became the beginning of my exercise program. I actually felt better. I didn’t eat the hoards of food that was sent to the house.

This past month I had my moments that I was sad. I know that God/Spirit has my boys and they are in good hands, out of pain and full of love. They want me to be happy and healthy. They must have served their purpose. I was in my own way. I know I am not alone on this journey. This is why I’m writing this. I am living for me. When I have a difficult time doing it for me I will do it for the kids. Regardless, If I am going to heal it is up to me and nobody else.

I have actually felt a shift in how I feel and act. I am finding I am not as quick to go off my food plan. I’m exercising. Even if it is a little bit. My heart is light instead of heavy. I talk to the kids all the time. I know they are around and intuitively, I feel them around. I know it is my turn and I have a lot of work to do.

Besides all my books, I have 25 years of journals that I have written. I have started looking at all the messages that I have received when I have channeled. This is only the beginning for me. This is my first time having a blog. But this is helping me. I intend as time goes on I will be there for you too. Hugs from me!

Author:

I have learned over the years, that we have the ability to heal ourselves. We can create our illness. However, we can also create our wellness. The time is now. I have studied over 40 years in the area of natural and alternative healing. After reading several books on various types of healing, I felt I wanted to share this wealth of wisdom. Many of these books are from various cultures and philosophies. I enjoy comparing and finding differences in all areas. My intention of this blog is to help one decipher the information and modalities. To provide an informative guide through your own journey to heal yourself. There are so many ways of doing the same thing. There are so many ideas that have the same concept but are called something different. If I learned anything, I have learned that we have to heal ourselves at every level...Mind, Body, and Spirit. Disclaimer Information on this website is based on my training and research from the internet, books, articles, and studies and/or companies selling crystals, metaphysical tools, and herbs online. Statements on this website have not necessarily been evaluated and should not be considered as medical advice. Any products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any illness or disease. for diagnosis or treatment consult your physician. Many find that when they go back to doctor their medicine and ailments are reduced. Use herbs in moderation and watch for allergic reactions. If you are taking any other medication, are suffering from a medical condition and/or are at all concerned about any of the advice or ingredients consult your doctor before taking the herbs. If you are pregnant, breastfeeding or have/had breast cancer do not take any of the herbs (as many affect hormone balance, uterine contractions and are estrogenic).

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